The Gluten-Free-Free Void

We learned last week that Muffin does not have celiac disease. She has been gluten-free her whole life as a precaution. My brother and I both have celiac disease but neither of us exhibited symptoms and were diagnosed until we were in our twenties. Genetically there was a very good chance the same would be for Muffin. While living in India we could not get Muffin tested accurately; conversations with pediatricians and nutritionists showed that they didn't even know what I was talking about when I said, "gluten free." Once we were back in the United States for good, I made an appointment with her American pediatrician who made arrangements for Muffin's blood screening. She ate gluten for two weeks and never exhibited any symptoms. Three different screenings were performed and not a single antibody was present in any of them, so her pediatrician is confident she doesn't have celiac disease.

I'm relieved that she doesn't have celiac disease. It makes school, parties, and all other times out of the house so much easier. But there's also a void. (I know, another void; see yesterday's post.) I've spent so much time over the last three years worrying about Muffin's diet as well as my own but I hadn't realized it until I suddenly only had to worry about myself again. I've sort of lost my enthusiasm for gluten-free cooking now that I no longer have to nourish a child with it. I don't have to prove that gluten-free alternatives are just as tasty as their glutenous counterparts. She can just eat the gluten foods with Mike now. I feel like I can get by with mediocre food, or just skip most treats altogether, since it's now only me who needs to eat gluten free. I wasn't expecting to feel this way.

Nairobi

What makes me feel strange as an expat, especially one who has lived in Africa and visited Nairobi, is that there was a higher chance someone I knew was going to be at that mall then at any of the locations of any of the shootings that have happened in the United States recently. To my knowledge no one I knew was there; but I haven't heard much from Nairobi on Facebook. Has the government locked down on Internet usage?

I'm glad it didn't happen at the mall I've been to in Nairobi because I didn't want to have too clear of a picture in my mind of people running through the food court and Nakumatt store; images of those places have jumped to the forefront of my mind in the last twenty-four hours.

When you go into malls in Nairobi, Hyderabad, Bangkok, Singapore, there are security guards and metal detectors. But there's also sort of a vacant stare in the eyes of the security guards. The metal detectors offer a false sense of security. And they can't stop a hand grenade that gets thrown before the bad guys even enter the mall.

Sunny at Fabling said some of the things I've been trying to articulate today. Malls are the safe havens for expats overseas. It's where you may find the most Starbucks-like cup of coffee and Western fashions. It's where you'll see an English-language movie. It's where you'll bump into just about everyone you know on a Sunday afternoon. In the summer it's where you go to escape the heat. In Hyderabad, since the parks were closed during the day, the mall was where I took a Muffin who was just learning to walk so she could wander around; I took her as soon as it opened in the morning before there were too many people and she ran up and down the halls freely. As much as I avoid malls when I'm in the United States, overseas they are the place to be when you feel a little homesick.


I mentioned to Mike yesterday that I'm ready to head back overseas. Life is almost too easy in the United States, not counting the tragedies that have happened here recently and in other parts of the world. I'm trying to relax and enjoy the conveniences of American life. But there's a void. A void that exploding malls isn't going to cure me of. I've been working on this post on and off for several hours, watching the news from Nairobi worsen by the hour. Nairobi was never a place I wanted to live but I enjoyed visiting there; even the terrible airport started to feel homey after so many layovers there. After several months of nonstop living in Burundi, landing in a country where English is spoken is always refreshing. I still want to get back overseas somewhere.

One Week Later

What a difference a week can make. Last Wednesday, Muffin had had a terrible first day of school on Tuesday. She had Wednesday off and I was filled with dread about Thursday and Friday. She did a successful half-day on Thursday but when I tried to drop her off on Friday she clung to me like we were glued together. For an hour I stayed in the classroom, cajoling her to let go of me and go play. Eventually we left and I told her she had to endure a boring day with me with no complaint and with no Dunkin' Donuts and no television. By the end of the day, as my Facebook status noted that afternoon, if she'd ever seen Arrested Development she'd have been saying, "I've made a huge mistake." I stuck firm to my promise of not being able to play with her because I had work to do. She had to entertain herself and at first she met my challenge with cheerful exuberance but quickly bored when she saw I wasn't going to give in. She spent the better part of an hour screaming at me while I tried to ignore her because I was "working." I wasn't really working. Who could with all that screaming? But I had my laptop open and was determined not to play with her.

I was feeling pretty hopeless and was dreading school again on Monday. I emailed her teacher on Sunday asking for a little more help in getting Muffin involved in activities right away to get her engaged.

Between Muffin remembering Friday afternoon and her teacher's engagement, so far this week she's been going willingly. This morning I didn't even have to sneak out while she was busy; she said, "Bye!" and turned her back on me.

I feel so relieved. And I've gotten so much done this week. I've gone running. The house is coming together. We have our new carpeting so I've been able to unpack the bedrooms. I've been doing paid work, which I haven't done in a long time. I like it so much, I've accepted more! Working and getting paid is so nice. I'm keeping my promise to Muffin, though, that I'm not going to do any work while she's at home. She goes to school and I do my work and then we play together in the afternoons and evenings.

Also, we've had some awesome weather with lots of outside time. That helps a lot. And Mike and I got together over the weekend, leaving Muffin with Grandma for an overnight. That helped a lot too.

Rainy Days and Mondays

I know it's Tuesday, but with school starting today it feels like Monday. (This is the first set I ever made on Polyvore, four years ago! It has very little to do with my post; I just like it.)

Rainy Days and Mondays by rabbitrabbit featuring Topshop

It's the second rainy, dark day in a row. Yesterday there was too much thunder and lightning to go outside and play but I'm hoping to get Muffin outside today (although I just heard thunder, so maybe not). I'm too tired to fight with her right now about turning off the television. We're both tired of coloring, Play-Doh, Legos, and unpacking and we don't have our full repertoire of toys and activities. And I can't fully unpack the bedrooms yet anyway (see below).

We had a rough morning at the first day of school and we both need a little quiet alone time. She doesn't seem to understand that I need to work while she's at school, so I can't stay there with her all day to play. Today was supposed to be my day to start working and running regularly again and it didn't happen and I'm a little grouchy about it. Tomorrow there's no school and I'm not optimistic about Thursday and Friday going my way, either.

We moved into the new condo last week, warily. Some parts of the carpet smelled brand-new while others still seemed a bit off, but I was tired of not being in a real home and I think all my moving helpers were tired of loading and unloading my stuff, so we moved in. Then, after a couple days of rain when I had to close the windows for long periods, causing some stuffiness, I realized that not all the carpeting had been replaced. They'd only done the stairs and the hallway, not the bedrooms. The bedrooms still have a funk, not to mention the carpet looks older and has sort of sticky feel when I walk on it barefoot. They're coming back on Thursday to do the bedroom carpets so what little furniture and other belongings we have in them I have to move out.

We had a nice weekend with Mike home, though! Lots of playground time for him and Muffin. We used our "welcome to the neighborhood" coupon from Lowe's to buy a grill and patio furniture during the end-of-season sale. Mike ate home-cooked food while I started to feel at home in our new kitchen.

The next few days are going to continue being rough. But I'm trying to remain positive that over the course of a few weeks things will smooth over. She'll get used to school. The carpets and a couple other maintenance issues will be fixed. Mike will be home for a long vacation. I may even be able to run that half marathon at a slow-but-sure pace and then set my sights on a Turkey Trot or Jingle Bell Run.

I'm not even asking the rain to stop and let out the sun. I'd just like the thunder and lightning to stop so Muffin can go outside in her new raincoat and rain boots.